so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
