Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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