i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
