"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
