found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
