i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
