My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
