the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
