So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
