I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
