theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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