FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
