oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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