Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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