2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize