Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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