The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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