So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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