I feel great
I just peed on a car
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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