You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
