Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
