You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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