I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
