I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
