Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
