New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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