coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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