Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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