the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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