You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
