apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
