I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
