allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
