The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
