I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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