Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
