The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
