I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
