Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
