I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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