This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
