Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
