yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
