I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
