I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
