I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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