youre lurking in front of me
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
