i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
