I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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