So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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