Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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