At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
