It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
