you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
