You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
