dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
