i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
