I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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