I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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