Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
