Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
