You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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