I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
