zippers are such a cool invention
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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