4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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