her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
